The Secret Game

Martin and Trinidad are walking back from the grocery store. They pass a lamppost that someone has written the word REVOLT on with white tape. They pass a pair of women speaking Spanish. Martin and Trinidad have been arguing. Martin seems to think there is not enough money. Of course there is money, though. Martin is a pharmacist and Trinidad tutors children in Spanish. Martin is talking about “comfort zones,” and “cushions,” as in, “I need a little more of a cushion to be in my comfort zone.” Trinidad’s visa is up in a month. She will either have to get Martin to move to Argentina or get Martin to marry her or go back to Argentina by herself. She’s not sure how able she is to do any of those things. When Martin is angry at her, or when they are angry at each other, she likes to play a game in which she pretends that certain words that they are using mean other things. For example, right now, she’s pretending that “money” is the English word for “small pieces of chocolate.” She’s pretending that “cushion” is the English word for “frozen yogurt,” and “comfort zone” is the English word for “Saint Bernard.” Martin does not have enough small pieces of chocolate to give him the appropriate frozen yogurt for his Saint Bernard. Trinidad responds that she makes as many small pieces of chocolate as she can, and that furthermore, they have plenty of small pieces of chocolate for her Saint Bernard. And so forth. Clearly this is not a game she can tell Martin about. He would just think she wasn’t taking him seriously, and he needs to be taken seriously. In fact, it has nothing to do with that. Rather, it’s that during her arguments with Martin, she feels, strangely, as if English is starting to slip out of her control, and she begins to feel, after three years as a student in Illinois, that she’s becoming an alien once again. Her game holds the feeling at bay, allows her to feel in control of the language once again. Soon they will be home and will unpack the groceries and not long after that it will be time for bed and Trinidad will wait for Martin to fall asleep, so that she can whisper to him the details of what their conversation was really about.